In the kitchen with Martha: Bacon jam

Martha Stewart's Slow-Cooker Bacon Jam

I used to not eat meat. I KNOW — how sad for me. (No offense, current vegetarians. I'm sure you're perfectly happy just as you are.) A lot of recovering vegetarians talk about how they used to crave bacon before they gave in and got back on the hog. Personally, I can't remember ever once longing for bacon during my near-decade of abstaining from meat, but I do think it's a delicious meat product that I now enjoy from time to time. And my favorite menu item at Burritoville when I lived in New York was the VLT, a wrap that included faux bacon and soy chipotle mayonnaise. (Although I notice it's not on the menu anymore, so maybe I was the only person who loved it.)

If I like bacon, though, MLB super loves it, and so do most of our friends, and consequently I've found I can't go wrong with a bacon-based appetizer when entertaining. Usually I stick to bacon-wrapped apricots with teriyaki sauce, but when we had a few people over last weekend I decided to branch out with Martha Stewart's recipe for bacon jam.

That's right. Jam of bacon.

I was drawn to this recipe initially not only because it is bacon jam (jam! of bacon!) but because it has the words "slow cooker" right there in the name, and the only thing I love more than making delicious food is making delicious food in the Crock Pot. I'm a big fan of dumping things in a pot, pushing a button, and walking away for eight hours, only to come back to hot, tasty dinner. (Side Note: Want to make chicken tacos? Put a package of chicken breasts in your Crock Pot with a jar of salsa and a packet of fajita seasoning. Eight hours on low. Shred with forks. WINNING.)

Martha Stewart's Slow-Cooker Bacon Jam, however, is one of those tricky slow cooker recipes that requires just as much (or more) cooking outside the Crock Pot as it does in the actual slow cooker. First you cook your cut-up bacon. (I used good bacon. Why would you cheap out and use Safeway brand bacon? THIS IS BACON JAM.) Then you cook onions and garlic in the bacon fat. Then you cook brown sugar, vinegar, coffee and maple syrup in the onions and garlic. (Yes, this recipe has essentially everything that is delicious in it.) THEN you pop it all into the slow cooker, and then when it's all done you pulse it through your Cuisinart. The slow cooker is really just sort of a brief (four-hour) interlude; it might more properly be called Frying-Pan-And-Food-Processor Bacon Jam.

Naming conventions aside... this is delicious. I probably don't even need to say that; you saw the ingredients. It solidifies a bit in the fridge (all that bacon fat setting up), so I microwaved it on low power for a minute or two before serving. We ate it on baguettes, but honestly, you could eat it off recycled sawdust cardboard chips and it would still be delicious. We sent some home with a friend who said he ate it on leftover salmon and mashed potatoes, which was obviously also delicious.

It also makes a ton. When Martha says you should "send your guests home with a jar," she's not just giving a nod to hospitality. She's warning you that (a) this is amazing and (b) you will have a ton left over. So bust out those jars.

Jan. 15

Today on Martha's calendar: Clear fallen branches around property, split for firewood, and stack inside barn.

Today on Maia's calendar: Stare at Christmas tree needles still scattered around living room floor and think about vacuuming. Watch "Downton Abbey" instead.