You know you live in urban Alaska when your hometown hires a cop to deal with bears.
I’m all for the bear cop; I mean, I live in downtown Anchorage so I don’t have to deal with bears, and yet a black bear was sighted on my block (and apparently, on one occasion, in my front yard), which leaves me feeling a little unsettled (and put an end to my practice of leaving the dog outside in the backyard on nice summer days while I go to work). But what I’d really like to know is: Where is the magpie cop?
Yeah, I know, a bear is probably scarier-sounding than a bird. But you wouldn’t say that if you’d been dive-bombed by nesting magpies in your own yard and trapped inside your house while birds followed you from window to window, perching outside and peering in to screech at you while you and your terrified dog huddled on the other side of the glass, shaking in fright. I actually had to call Fish & Game last spring after the dog and I were held prisoner inside the house for a full day and night. The legendary Rick Sinnott himself came to my house and looked around for the nest (his theory was that there were young magpies involved, and I did spot one in my woodpile a few days later. As I ran from the house to the garage. With my raincoat hood pulled up over my head and an umbrella held low around my shoulders. On a perfectly dry sunny day. To protect myself from the attacking magpie parents. Who clearly wanted to peck my eyes out), but wasn’t able to fix my rabid bird problem. The dog refused to go outside for days. I had to drag her out the front door and all the way around the block — the long way — to the Park Strip just so she could relieve herself.
I have never been trapped inside my house by angry bears.
So, for the record, I’d just like to say that, while I appreciate the idea of a bear cop, if it’s just the same to you, Municipality, I’d much rather have a magpie cop. That’s something I could actually see improving my quality of life.
